We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
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You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
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the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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