so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
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Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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