life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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