Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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