Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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