trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
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The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
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I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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