Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize