Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize