perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
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buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
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So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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