So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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