apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
where am i from again
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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