The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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