I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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