Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize