I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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