RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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