Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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