Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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