Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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