I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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