She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
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When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
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Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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