I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize