If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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