is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
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I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
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If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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