i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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