She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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