my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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