Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
it's not cheating when I paid for it
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize