Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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