Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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