I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize