The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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