I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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