Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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