Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
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At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
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I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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