I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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