If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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