the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize