Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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