Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize