hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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