wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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