I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize