New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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