Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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