I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize