if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
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Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize