his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
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He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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