I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
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When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
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I have a black eye again and dont know why again
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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