i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
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I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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