only you would photoshop your dick
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize